After a miscarriage, I had an ectopic pregnancy, an abortion saved my life

I had to terminate a pregnancy after trying to conceive for three years and losing my first baby to a miscarriage. If I hadn’t chosen to terminate my pregnancy, I would have lost my fallopian tube or, worse, my life.

“Did you know you were pregnant? my boss asked on the phone. I had just come home from the ER, and yes, I had known that for almost a month now, since I peed during a test a few days before my due date. During this time in my life, I had enough early detection pregnancy tests that my husband joked that we should buy stock in the company. When that weak second line finally appeared, I was thrilled.

Then that morning I woke up with a shiny bloodstain in my underwear. I focused on my breathing as I called the doctor, walked to the office, stepped into the stirrups, and felt the guided ultrasound cold wand.

“There’s a heartbeat,” the doctor said, and I exhaled deeply.

“Expect.” She frowned and looked at the monitor. She brought in a second doctor and they studied the image together. They exchanged glances, then quietly explained that it was an ectopic or ectopic pregnancy. The embryo had implanted in my fallopian tube.

“Can we save him? ” I asked. “Move it? The answer was no. It was a non-viable pregnancy. My only options were surgery to remove it or a medical abortion with methotrexate, a type of chemotherapy drug, and either way it had to happen today. Not terminating the pregnancy could result in one of my fallopian tubes rupturing which meant I could hemorrhage and die.

I was heartbroken to have lost another pregnancy

Through tears I went to the ER for methotrexate and then home, where my husband finally found me sobbing in our bed. By then the medicine had started to work and I could feel sharp electric jolts running through my body. The taste of batteries filled my mouth and I spent most of the next 24 hours bent over the toilet bowl, vomiting and crying alternately.

It just felt right that I felt such physical pain. It matched my devastation. But as my body recovered, the grief of losing another pregnancy lingered.

The first pregnancy I had lost at 12 weeks, days before we were about to announce the happy news. At first I kept it to myself; only my husband knew. After weeks of feeling isolated and alone in my grief, I told a friend about it and my pain eased. I told my family. I learned that my mother had lost her first baby, my grandmother too. My aunt had lost twins at birth. My loss then felt less heavy, less lonely, as I shared it with others and they shared their losses with me.

This time, I did not hesitate to address myself. I talked to my boss about it and she offered to take all the time I needed. I told my family, who listened to me cry on the phone. I told some friends about it and they brought dinner and ice cream. An older neighbor gave me a delicate silver necklace, which I still wear.

Thanks to this support and over time, my grief has faded.

I had 2 children since my ectopic pregnancy threatened my life

A year later, I was pregnant again, and this time everything went perfectly.

I did it at seven weeks, and everything was fine. Then I did it at 12 weeks. In fact, I did at 42 weeks, two weeks past full term. When the baby finally came in, screaming, fists shaking at the world, it was a moment of absolute joy. I never knew how much I could love another person.

Three years later, we welcomed another healthy baby, and both children continue to thrive. I never thought of myself as especially motherly, but being their mother is without a doubt the most profound gift of my life.

I am grateful for the medical care that ended my

ectopic pregnancy

quickly and safely, preserving my life and my reproductive system. I’m even grateful for the miscarriage that probably ended an unviable pregnancy, so I didn’t have a hard choice to make. I am eternally grateful that these two people can join our family and that I am their mother.

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